Monday, August 1, 2011

ALL the CRAP!!

I swear it seems so easy when your a kid.All you do is play,eat and get into trouble.I cook and clean all day long and then I cook dinner when hubby comes home from work.I watch as Devin runs up to him as he walks in the door to see if  Daddy will play with him.He lies on the couch and tells him ,later.I start supper and I am trying to ref the puppy and my son to make sure they aren't hurting each other and I am cooking at the same time while in the living room I can hear my husband snoring away .I get it that he works hard in the heat and he is tired ,but I am also and I don't get to lie on the couch and snore my fucking head off. The only break I get is when I take it on the weekend and then I feel guilty as hell because I am not up with my son and cooking breakfast or taking the dog out to piss first thing.My day doesn't end when he gets home.It doesn't end until everyone is in bed and fed and clean and no one needs anything until the morning or hubby decides he needs to wash the other work shirt he has because he forgot to bring it in the house from the other night.I am tired and worn down.I toss all night and when I do finally drift off I wake up to give hubby a kiss before he goes to work and hoping like hell he doesn't wake the kid up so I might get another hour to myself.I am fed up with the MIL and all her bull shit and plus I am trying to potty train my son and his Nana wants to put him in fucking DIAPERS!!!
The only time I go out is to the grocery store and I have to make hubby go out to dinner once a week.I feel like I am only as good as the last pile of laundry ,the last bill I paid and how clean our son is...I feel like I have this weight on me that I can't get rid of and it is dragging me down .I have no desire to get up in the mornings and all I do is scream from the time I get up until I finally get into the bed,and even then I have all these thought s going through my head of what is bothering me and I just can't stop thinking about how life was before kids and dogs and just the responsibility of  EVERYTHING.I don't think there has been a time in my life after 8 yrs old when I have not had something to take care of.Or someone.I just feel like getting in my car and going,no destination just where ever my car will take me and definitely where no one knows my name.